keskiviikko 16. marraskuuta 2011

Until the very End

This is something, that I think almost everyone has done. They've told their story and let you all know just how much anything means to them. And I've read those stories and thought, that it can't be easy. I have nothing new to tell, but I just wanted finally tell the truth. The truth why I am still living.

So hi, I am 17 year old girl from Finland. And I was bullied at my old school for a three years. Actually you could tell, that I was never popular, but I actually felt like I was nothing when I was in the 7th grade. And it only got worse, when I aged up a bit. In the 9th grade I was going to give up. And here comes the reason why I didn't. I can yet say, that if you are going to judge me, go ahead. I don't care. Cause now I know better.

For the start I'd like to tell you a bit about my five year old self. I believed in anything. There was magic in my life, and my dream was to become a witch. Just because I read a book. A book that you all probably know; Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone. It was, and it still is perfect. Someone would describe it as a children's book. And it sort of is, but I think that there is always something that you have to figure it out by yourself, and sometimes the things we find are not what we thought it would be. But yeah, anyway. I was seven when everyone laughed at me for the first time, just because of my dream. Dream of becoming a witch. How ridiculous that sounds? Yeah. I was SEVEN year old. But that's our world, I guess.

When the bullying started, I was thirteen. Everyone called me ugly, different and I was left out. Nobody wanted to be there, even my closest friends stopped being with me for a while in the 8th grade. I had absolutely nothing to believe in anymore. Only thing I wanted was acceptance, so I did some stupid things for it. Things that I regret.

Everything was totally falling apart when I was close to my fifteens. I didn't feel friendly at school, and I didn't find a home at the house I was living. Everything was gone, all the magic and hope. All the power and all the reasons why. Someone threw keys to my back, and that was it. I did a plan. I just couldn't find the light anymore. It was bit radical, and when I look back to that plan, I always sort of feel like it's not me who wrote that. Like it would have been someone else.

I wish I could say, that the reason why I didn't do anything, was because of my family or friends. But it wasn't. During my plan, I read a Harry Potter book. Once again, like I had done so many times before. And i remembered. All the magic and hope, all the dreams and wonderful things out there. That even though it was someone's imagination, it was still true. Someone believed in that stuff. Someone believed in good and bad, and mostly for good. And I knew I had to live up. I promised to myself, that I would wait till Harry Potter Phenomenon would come till the very end, and after that I would be free to give up. If I'd want to. It was the thing that I needed the most, like you get yourself a Room of Requirement if you truly want something. I wanted a reason, and it was given to me.

So today I just wanna say thank you. Thank you Joanne Rowling. I owe you so much, and you probably won't ever even know that. Because of your world I now have the strength to continue my life. Today Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 is free to purchase. So it means, that this path has come to an end. But is it really end anyway? Like J.K. said, the stories we love best do live in us forever. And this story saved my life.

Everyone should think about what they say to other people. Cause words hurt more than punches, and they leave scars. Scars that won't ever heal, even not from me. But this I'd like to say to those, who struggle with their life; If you find your own reason, even if it looks stupid (it never is), use it. Expecto Patronum will be tattooed to my arms when I turn eighteen. Just to remain me of the fact, that there is always a light. There is always something better. And there is always a home.

I feel honored to be part of Harry Potter generation, and I know there will always be people who say it's just a book, someones imagination and that it's something we will grow up from. That it is not real. There's only one thing that I want to say to those people:

It's true for us.

1 kommentti:

  1. Edelleen, kiitos. Kiitos. Ihan helvetisti. Kommentoisin englanniksi mutta tässä tunnehörpäkkeessä en pysty. Kuitenkin, kiitos että muistutat että aina on syy elää. Mullakin on. Ja sulla. Ja kaikilla.

    Kiitos. Olet ihana.